You walk in to find him in bed with his secretary. Your world is shattered, you’re devastated and you wonder how you can be so naïve as to think he would change after you found those Tinder notifications on his phone. The break up is inevitable. You are crushed under the waves of hurt. It may seem impossible at first, but eventually you will learn to ride these waves and foster a deeper connection with yourself and others.
For those ladies nursing a broken heart; here is how to get over that cheating ex (yes ex) of yours:
Cry your heart out
As tempting as it might be to head out for a wild night of drinking, partying and picking up a rebound; instead, dish out some ice cream, crawl into bed and weep like as much as you want. Research has shown that having a good cry can reduce stress and allows us to acknowledge the feelings we’re experiencing.
Allow yourself time
Clichéd as it sounds, time does heal. It alleviates the pain and gives you time to mourn the loss of the relationship. This also offers you the opportunity for your anger toward him to subside a little so that you don’t end up shaming him with a long Facebook post and say something you might regret. Be patient with the healing, but don’t spend too much time in the self-pitying phase. It might prevent you from ever moving on.
Take care of yourself
You’re going through an emotional rollercoaster – shock, sadness, anger, denial. You may want to reach out to repair things immediately the moment he calls to apologise, which may not be the best idea. The best thing you can do, however, is to ask your partner to respect your boundaries. Take a step back and cut-off contact for a while. During this time, treat yourself well. Take some time off. Indulge in some self-care and self-soothing activities. Exercise, even if it’s just a stroll around your neighbourhood. Dance around the house. Listen to your favourite music. Write your thoughts down, do the things you enjoy.
No social media stalking
Resist the urge to hire a P.I. or stalk him on social media. Don’t seek out all the details. Sifting through old emails and texts or incessant checking of his Facebook page will only serve to turn you to an obsessive, crazy ex-girlfriend. It’ll also prevent you from moving on. You want answers and you deserve them. Meet your ex at least once to get the information you need for closure without it turning into an interrogation or degenerating into a shouting match. Note down the things you want to ask him and have them handy when you talk.
Don’t play the blame game
Don’t condemn him for everything. You might want to accept some responsibility and also accept that mistakes were made by both of you. Recognise the good and not so good aspects of the relationship. This is necessary in the healing process as it gives us the opportunity to learn from the experience and become more self-aware.
Talk to someone
Express your feelings to someone you can trust. Don’t be ashamed to seek out professional help, especially if you find yourself unable to stop ruminating or need an objective view. Friends are great for emotional unloading but if you need an unbiased perspective on the situation, a therapist can assist in processing your emotions.
Let it go
Forgive him when you’re ready to. Let it go. This is probably one of the hardest steps in overcoming the break up. You might not be able to forget what he did, but at least you’ll rid yourself of your resentment. Don’t hold on to the anger; you don’t want to end up a bitter person your whole life.
Harness all that emotion
Negative emotions can spur positive action. Channel them into something productive and be inspired to make a positive change. Without your ex in your life, you realise that you have a lot more time for yourself. You might decide to take on a new project or complete something that you had started. Not only will it help you gain a measure of control of your life, it will also allow you to focus more on your own needs.
Breaking up is one of the most painful experiences in life. The heartache will last a while, for some longer than others. Just remember you deserve better; surround yourself with your loved ones and you will survive, you will move forward!